我討厭"弗納達．施瓦提爾"的五個原因 --(5 Reasons I Hate Vlaada Chvátil)

評論桌上遊戲的文章通常會寫的較為專注且嚴謹，而文章的主軸幾乎都放在遊戲本身的介紹。相較之下評論"桌上遊戲設計師"的文章就顯得比較生動活潑！此次小編要為大家翻譯一篇寫於2012年二月份發表在BGG的趣味文章，作者是一名叫"費洛斯"(Phirax)的BGG部落客。文章內容主要是在討論作者對於捷克的名設計師：弗納達。施瓦提爾(Vlaada Chvátil)的遊戲心得。
(編按: 弗納達就是著名遊戲"歷史巨輪"、"銀河卡車"與"地城守護者"的作者)

這篇文章的題目是：我討厭"弗納達。施瓦提爾"的五個原因(5 Reasons I Hate Vlaada Chvátil)，內容相當詼諧有趣並且調侃一些其它著名的桌上遊戲以及設計師，希望大家以輕鬆的心情看待這篇文章，Do not be so serious～

＊＊＊

Being a Vlaada fan-boy obviously makes you cool and popular with "the ladies," but there is also a darker side that you might not know about. For the sake of full disclosure, here are the top five worst things about idolizing all things Vlaada...
成為弗納達的男粉絲顯然地可以讓你成為又酷又夯的"淑女殺手"；然而有一些沒有曝光的陰暗面或許是你不知道的。為了披露這些事實，接下來的文章中列舉了："當你成為弗納達的粉絲之後"會遭遇到五項最糟糕的事件...

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5) Vlaada won't make babies with me
弗納達不會幫我生小孩

Now I know this one might seem a bit strange, but bear with me for a moment. You see, I'm a gamer. More specifically, I'm a Euro-style board gamer which means that I spend most of my time studying game manuals on this website. To be quite honest I'm not really sure how babies are made, but a member of my game group who knows about these things has told me that the act of making babies is pretty much exactly like playing a session of Space Alert.
我知道這個標題看起來很怪，但是請耐著性子看下去。你知道的，我是一個玩家。更精確的來說我是一名歐式桌遊玩家，這代表我會花費大部分的時間在網路上研讀遊戲規則。老實說，我並不知道怎麼生小孩，但是我曾從認識的桌遊圈人士口中聽說有關於生小孩的事，幾乎就像是遊戲"太空警報"(Space Alert)中的橋段一樣。

(圖片由BGG擷取) 太空警報(Space Alert) (2008)

Making Babies v. Space Alert 
生小孩與太空警報的比較

* The hardest part of both is finding someone willing to play
* Both activities feature repetitive, simultaneous actions performed by the players
* The actual fun part takes only a few, hurried minutes to complete
* Then there is a long, drawn out part where everyone involved waits anxiously to see if all the effort resulted in a positive or negative result
* My friend highly recommends playing with three or four players (Two players will work in a bind)

• 最難的部份是要找到有人願意跟你一起玩！
• 對所有參與的玩家而言，過程中是重複而且同時進行的
• 真正有趣的部份其實只有一點點，而且幾分鐘內草草完成(羞...)
• 然後接續的是所有玩家必須經歷長時間與焦慮的等待，看看眾人努力所產出的結果是好是壞？
• 我的朋友強烈建議要三至四人一起玩(當然要兩兩一組)...

I have only ever played Space Alert solo which is generally not recommended (though I find it quite satisfying). The difficult part is trying to visualize what all the different players are doing, but since I have a rather active imagination it seems to work out okay.
我只有玩過一個人的"太空警報"，通常不建議這樣做(雖然我覺得這樣也蠻爽的)。最難的部份是要去假裝有其他的玩家跟我一起玩，但是因為我想像力過人，所以結果還不賴。

Vlaada, will you please play Space Alert with me? I just bought a new webcam and I have set up the game on my bed so that we have lots of room. We can hook up over video Skype and you can tell me exactly what moves you want me to make. Love you! xxoo
弗納達，你可以跟我一起玩"太空警報"嗎？我已經買了網路攝影機，然後放在我房間的床上，這樣我們的空間應該夠大了。我們可以用Skype連線，然後你可以告訴我接下來你想怎麼做。愛你喔！揪咪！
(編按: 翻譯完這一段覺得有點不太舒服...)

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4) Vlaada won't change his name
 弗納達不會改他的名字

Like many board gamers, in my free time — you know, when I'm not spending 3 hours setting up a 30 minute game — I like to write poetry about games. Lately, I have been exploring the ancient Japanese art of haiku. Haiku poems, much like Vlaada's game designs, feature repetitive mathematical structures that mask thin pasted on themes.
就像是其他的桌遊玩家，當我有空的時候 － 就是當我沒有花三個小時去擺設一場三十分鐘的遊戲時 － 我喜歡寫一些有關於遊戲的詩詞。最近我對古代日本的俳句做了些研究。俳句的文體像極了弗納達設計的遊戲，就是把薄弱的主題貼在重複運算的數學模型之上。(註一) 
(編按：接下來有點亂翻)

Grains of sand flowing
I thought this game was turn based
Galaxy Trucker
沙粒傾洩而下
我錯以為這遊戲是回合制
銀河卡車(Galaxy Trucker)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 銀河卡車(Galaxy Trucker) (2007)

Also, most people who read haiku or play Vlaada's games quickly realize that "anybody can make this crap," and then try to give it a go themselves.  
還有，大多讀過俳句或是玩過弗納達的遊戲的人都會很快發覺"誰都嘛可以做出這些狗屁倒灶的東西"因而想要自己嘗試創作。

Dungeon marathon
Floating witch is kinda hot
Wood in my pocket
地城馬拉松
飛行女巫好辣(註二)
有根木棒在口袋裡
(編按：蛤？什麼木棒？)

This search is pointless
Maybe its in the Walkthrough?
Mage Knight combat rules
根本找不到
也許是在遊戲粗流(Walkthrough)裡？
魔法騎士的戰鬥規則 (Mage Knight Board Game)
(編按：同感...)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 魔法騎士(Mage Knight) (2011)

The trouble is, nobody seems to know how to pronounce Vlaada's last name. And whenever someone tries they wind up either making it sound like it has twelve syllables, or just one. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but my poetry requires Caylus-like perfect information.
問題是，似乎沒人知道弗納達的姓氏怎麼念。當有人嚐試的時候，念起來不是像12個音節就是只有一個音節。通常是無傷大雅，但是我的俳句需要"凱呂斯"(Caylus)般的嚴謹。(註三)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 凱呂斯新版(Caylus) (2005)

Life is stone and food
Three of these buys two of those
Vlaada Chvátil
生命就是石與食
三個這些換兩個那些
弗納達。施瓦提爾

Does that even work? Who knows? For this reason, I would like to now officially request that Vlaada change his name to Bob Smith. This would be beneficial to me because I could call him Bob when I need one syllable and Bob Smith when I need two. In those rare times when I need three syllables, I could use his proper name, Robert Smith. And in those super-rare instances where I need nine syllables I could call him Robert-the-benevolent-game-king. Wait, that isn't right.
這樣行的通嗎？誰知道？為了恪遵俳句詩律，我想正式要求弗納達更名為"Bob Smith"。這樣對我的好處是當我想使用一個音節，我可以叫他"Bob"；而當我想用兩個時，我可以叫他全名。在稀有的時候我會需要三個音節，這時可以叫他真正的名字"Robert Smith"。而在極為罕見的情況下我會需要9個音節的時候，我可以叫他"Robert-the-benevolent-game-king"。等等，好像怪怪的。(註四)

It is Bob Smith's turn
The rocket is getting big
Space Alert on Skype
現在是Bob Smith的回合
火箭越來越大
Skype上的太空警報
(編按：又是這個梗)

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3) Friendly Local Game Stores 
友善的在地店家

During a recent trip to my local game store...
這是最近發生在我家附近桌遊商店的購買經驗...

Phirax: Do you have any games by Vlaada Chvátil?
我：你有弗納達。瓦提爾的遊戲嗎？
(編按：原作者是Phirax)

Clerk: (Not bothering to look up from his magazine) Cghtzykwnbatkdenmhdgckyzl. 
店員：(絲毫不想抬頭看我) xxoo督嚕都督嚕督大大大～

Phirax: Excuse me?
我：蛤？

Clerk: His name, you mispronounced it.
店員：他的名字，你剛剛唸錯了。

Phirax: Chvátil?
我：施瓦提爾？

Clerk: Yes, but it's pronounced "chz."
店員：對，但是它要發成"滋"的音。

Phirax: Um, you said it totally different that time.
我：呃，這跟你剛剛念的完全不一樣啊！？

Clerk: (Stops reading) Can I help you with something?
店員：(停止看雜誌) 你需要我的幫忙嗎？

Phirax: I'm looking for a game by Vlaada... Vlaada...
我：我在找一款弗納達...弗納達...

Clerk: (The clerk returns to his magazine.)
店員：(繼續看雜誌)

Phirax: Do you have any games by the guy who made Through the Ages. (I am grinning like an idiot when he finally looks up at me.) 
我：你有任何遊戲的作者與"歷史巨輪"(Through the Ages: A Story of Civilization)的作者是同一人嗎？(當他看我的時候，我露出像笨蛋一樣的微笑。)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 歷史巨輪(Through the Ages) (2006)

Clerk: We have Space Alert back in the adult section but you need to be 21 years of age with proper I.D. to purchase it.
店員：我們在成人區有一款遊戲叫做"太空警報"，但是你要滿21歲才可以買。
(編按：隱喻第一個橋段：弗納達不會幫我生小孩)

Phirax: I already own Space Alert.
我：我已經買"太空警報"了！

Clerk: (Eyeing me with disgust.) What a surprise. 
店員：(露出噁心的表情) 好厲害喔～

Phirax: Do you carry anything else?
我：你有其它遊戲嗎？

Clerk: (Checking the computer inventory) Nope, all sold out. Wait, we have one copy of Dungeon Petz remaining.
店員：(查詢電腦裡的庫存清單) 沒，全賣光了。等等，我們還有剩下一套"地城寶貝"(Dungeon Petz)。

(圖片由BGG擷取) 地城寶貝(Dungeon Petz) (2011)

Phirax: Dungeon Petz?
我："地城寶貝"？

Clerk: (He bursts out laughing at his phone and then starts excitedly texting someone)
店員：(他朝著電話爆出笑聲，緊接著興奮的鍵入某個人的名字)

Phirax: (After a minute or two I clear my throat) Ahem, Dungeon Petz?
我：(過了一、兩分鐘之後，我清一下喉嚨) 呃嗯，"地城寶貝"？

Clerk: You play a family of imps running a pet shop for demons.
店員：你扮演一個販賣寵物給惡魔的小鬼家族。

Phirax: What?
我：蛤？

Clerk: You clean poop, stress about money, you know, the usual stuff.
店員：清便便、手頭很緊，就跟平常一樣。

Phirax: That sounds awful.
我：這聽起來感覺很差欸！

Clerk: Yeah, but the misery ends in less that 90 minutes and there are victory points.
店員：是啊，但是悲劇會在90分鐘之內結束，還有勝利點數喔。

Phirax: Vlaada is a genius! I'll take it.
我：弗納達真是天才！我買了！

Clerk: Sorry, all sold out.
店員：抱歉，賣完了。

Phirax: You just said you had one copy left.
我：你剛剛不是說還有剩一套嗎？

Clerk: (rediscovering his magazine) I'll have to check the computer.
店員：(回頭看他的雜誌) 我要去查一下庫存。

Phirax: (I wait patiently for a minute while he casually turns the pages of his magazine)
我：(耐心的等待一分鐘，看著他隨性地翻閱雜誌)

Clerk: (looking up suddenly) Jesus, you scared me!
店員：(忽然間抬頭) 靠腰，你想嚇誰啊！

Phirax: I, uh...
我：我，呃...

Clerk: You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.
店員：你不應該這樣鬼鬼祟祟的嚇唬人！

Phirax: I would like to purchase a copy of Dungeon Petz.
我：我想要買一套"地城寶貝"。

Clerk: Hmm, Dungeon Petz... Dungeon Petz. I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that title. Tell me the designer's name and I'll check for it in the computer.
店員：嗯，地城寶貝...地城寶貝。不好意思，我不知道那是什麼遊戲。告訴我遊戲設計師的名字，我再幫你查一下庫存。

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2) Seks-mi-am-a-Veer-jin 
正妹混血兒

I met Seksmiama Veerjin at last year's Spiel Essen. Seksmi was half Japanese, half Dutch, though to look at her you would think that her parents were Brazilian super models. She had big eyes, soft olive-brown skin and though she was petite, she had long slender limbs. That's right, Seksmi was the living, breathing embodiment of the plastic imp figures from Dungeon Lords. She was that beautiful.
去年的艾森展我遇到"Seksmiama Veerjin"。Seksmi是日荷的混血美女，初次見面你會覺得她看起來就像是巴西名模。她有雙電眼、滑順而富有光澤的棕色皮膚，雖然個子嬌小但是比例勻稱。沒錯，Seksmi是"地城守護者"(Dungeon Lords)裡的棕色小鬼在現實世界裡的化身，她就是這麼漂亮。
(編按：請讀者自行想像為何原作者要用Seksmiama Veerjin這個名字...或許你需要大聲唸個一兩次)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 地城守護者(Dungeon Lords) (2009)

We met at Vlaada Chvátil's booth where I was picking up my Mage Knight preorder and she was buying her first board game, a shiny new copy of Space Alert. You see, Seksmi was a ninja-assassin-pleasure-concubine. And like most ninja-assassin-pleasure-concubines she had been raised on a secret island totally cut off from the rest of the world. She didn't know what TV was, had never heard of the internet, and hadn't even seen a man until she arrived at Essen. She had grown up in near total isolation and talking to her was like stepping into a time capsule with someone from another era. For instance, she still believed that Agricola was a fun game. She was so naive, so innocent...
我們在弗納達的攤位前相遇。我是要拿預定的遊戲："魔法騎士"，而她則是要購買她人生中的第一套桌遊：閃亮全新的"太空警報"。其實，Seksmi是"忍者與殺手所圈養的正妹"。而就像是大部分的"忍者與殺手所圈養的正妹"一樣，她是在一個與世隔絕的神祕島嶼長大成人，她不知道什麼是電視，沒聽過網路，更沒有看過男人－直到她參加這次的艾森展。在這種環境下成長的她，與她交談就像是與上一個紀元的人類踏入時空膠囊一般。舉例來說，她仍然相信"農家樂"(Agricola)是個有趣的遊戲。她好原始、好無知...

(圖片由BGG擷取) 農家樂(Agricola) (2007)

Now I know what you are thinking. "Oh right, Phirax, you want us to believe that you met a ninja-assassin-pleasure-concubine at Vlaada's booth at Spiel Essen? How gullible and mindless do you think we are? What do you take us for, Dominion fans?" I know, I know, it sounds crazy. As everyone who has ever been to Spiel Essen can attest, all the ninja-assassin-pleasure-concubines are usually hanging out at the Portal Publishing booth with the cool Polish guys. 
我知道現在你們在想什麼："好吧，你要我們相信真的會有"忍者與殺手所圈養的正妹"出現在艾森展弗納達的攤位前與你相遇？你覺得我們有這麼無知嗎？你把我們當成什麼人？"皇輿爭霸"(Dominion)的粉絲嗎？"我知道，我知道這聽起來很瘋狂，就跟一般人都知道"忍者與殺手所圈養的正妹"通常只會出現在"Portal Publishing"的攤位外閑晃，跟酷酷的波蘭工作人員聊天。(註五)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 皇輿爭霸(Dominion) (2008)

But Seksmi was different.
但是Seksmi與她們不同。

Seksmi didn't care about linen finish on her playing cards. Seksmi didn't care whether Martin Wallace had released A Few Acres of Snow with a dominant strategy that broke the game. Seksmi made my head swim. As we stood in line talking about the ideal thickness of cardboard tiles, Seksmi looked into my eyes and in her lilting, broken English said, "I am nubile, yes?" 
Seksmi不管她的遊戲卡牌上是否有亞蔴布壓紋、也不管"馬丁。華勒斯"(Martin Wallace)最近釋出的作品"北美風雲錄"(A Few Acres of Snow)是不是有遊戲機制的重大缺失，Seksmi讓我沉浸在她的世界中。(註六)當我們在排隊的行列裡討論遊戲紙版的理想厚度時，Seksmi看著我的雙眼，用著優美但是破爛的英文對著我說："我適婚(nubile)嗎？"

(圖片由BGG擷取) 北美風雲錄(A Few Acres of Snow) (2011)

Her accent was thick, but as comprehension took hold I began to laugh so hard I thought I would vomit. "I am noob aisle, yes?" She thought she was in the noob aisle, but the Days of Wonder booth was in a completely different hall. I told her in parroted broken English that we would visit the family games section after leaving here, "Phirax buy games first, then explore all of noob aisle later." She brightened at this and started to blush. 
她有濃濃的口音，但是經過我努力的理解之後，我開始大笑以致於用力過猛而差一點吐出來。她應該是想表達："我在新手區(Noob aisle)嗎？"她以為她在新手區，但是"Days of Wonder"的攤位在另一個展覽大廳。我用模仿她的破英文跟她解釋，離開這裡之後我們會去家庭遊戲區："我先買遊戲，然後再去那些菜鳥遊戲區。"她的臉上露出喜色，並感到羞赧。
(編按：Noob是用來揶揄新手的貶意詞，有笨蛋的意思) 

"I'm sorry, my English is not very good," she offered.
"Seksmi" I replied, "Thunderstone isn't very good but we still love it, don't we?" I reached out and brushed a wisp of hair that had fallen across her face. She smiled and leaned in towards me. Her lips seemed to be glistening. 
"不好意思，我的英語不好"她說。
"Seksmi"我回應，"我們也知道"雷霆之石"(Thunderstone)不怎麼好玩，但是我們卻仍然愛玩，不是嗎？"我伸出手來撥去她臉上一小撮頭髮。她輕聲笑出並將身體輕靠著我，她的雙唇似乎閃耀著光芒。

(圖片由BGG擷取) 雷霆之石(Thunderstone) (2009)

In the 10 minutes since we had met we had spent so much time talking about deck construction, ideal game length and theme v. mechanics that I hadn't noticed her lips. They were definitely glistening, that much was certain, and they now seemed to be slowly moving towards me. Sort of like how heavy infantry units slowly move towards you in Command & Colors Ancients. My hands started to shake and it felt as if someone had sucked all of the air out of the room. Yes, this was exactly like playing Command & Colors Ancients.
與她初相遇的十分鐘之內，我花費太多的時間跟她討論牌組建構、理想的遊戲長度以及遊戲主題與遊戲機制之爭，以致於我沒注意到她的雙唇。她的雙唇光芒閃耀，而且非常確定的是，他們正漸漸朝我靠近。這就像"指揮與軍旗"(Commands & Colors: Ancients)裡的重甲步兵慢慢的朝我進軍。我的雙手顫抖著，彷彿像是有人把房間裡的空氣抽乾一般。是的，這就像是在玩"指揮與軍旗"一樣。

(圖片由BGG擷取) 指揮與軍旗(Commands & Colors: Ancients) (2009)

Suddenly, we were jerked out of our reverie by a shrill, annoyed voice.
"Next!"
忽然間，被一道刺耳且惱人的聲音將我們抽離這美妙的氛圍。
"下一位！"

It was the clerk from my local game store. It seems he had gotten a job working Vlaada's booth for the　convention. I allowed Seksmi to go first and he quickly fetched her copy of Space Alert from the wall at the back of the booth. As I waited, he spent what seemed like an eternity telling her about all the expansions available and which house rules he preferred. Finally, he wrote down his phone number and told her that she could call him if she ever needed rules clarification or a personal, private "walkthrough." When he finally released her from his sway, she turned to me and commented on how friendly and helpful gamers were. I smiled weakly and stepped up to the desk.
說這句話的人就是我家附近的桌遊店員！他似乎是找到弗納達的攤位的工作。我讓Seksmi先走，店員隨即從攤位後方拿取一套"太空警報"給她。當我等待的時候，他似乎花了無止盡的時間來告訴她有哪些擴充以及哪些推薦的自選規則(house rule)可以使用。終於，他寫下了手機號碼給她，並告訴她如果遇到規則上的疑惑或是需要私人的"流程教學"都可以打給他。最後她終被釋放，Seksmi轉向我並跟我描述工作人員有多麼的熱心助人。我虛弱的朝她笑著，並走向展覽桌前。

Phirax: Mage Knight. I preordered...
我：魔法騎士，我有預訂...

Clerk: (annoyed) Did you just call me Mage Knight?
店員：(生氣狀) 你剛剛叫我"魔法騎士"？

Phirax: What? No. I preordered. Phirax...
我：蛤？不是，我有預訂...Phirax(作者的名字)

Clerk: You preordered Phirax?
店員：你預訂了Phirax？

Phirax: What?
我：什麼？

Clerk: We don't carry that game. (Looking over my shoulder) Next!
店員：我們沒有賣這套遊戲。(看著我後方的人) 下一位！

Phirax: (Flustered) No, wait! Mage Knight! I was... that was my name!
我：(慌張貌) 不是，等等！魔法騎士！我...那是我的名字！

Clerk: Mage Knight was your name?
店員：你的名字是魔法騎士？

Phirax: Can we start over please? Make believe I just got here.
我：我們可以從頭來過嗎？就像我剛剛到這裡一樣。

Clerk: Okay...
店員：好...

Phirax: My name is Phirax and I've come to pick up my preorder copy of Mage Knight.
我：我的名字是Phirax，我來這裡是要拿我預定的遊戲"魔法騎士"。

Clerk: Sorry, we're closed.
店員：不好意思，我們關門了。

Phirax: Excuse me?
我：你說啥？

Clerk: (Pointing to the clock) We are closed. It is one minute past closing time.
店員：(手指著時鐘) 我們關門了，現在已經超過營業時間一分鐘了。

Phirax: But I have been standing here for 20 minutes.
我：但是我在這裡等了二十分鐘以上了。

Clerk: Sir, do I have to call security?
店員：先生，需要我叫保全嗎？

Phirax: No, please... I was here waiting my turn... (pointing at the girl) but first you... Seksmi..
我：不...我在這裡等叫號...(我手指著Seksmi)但是你先... 她...

Clerk: I most certainly will not!
店員：我真的不想這樣子！

The security guards had just arrived and heard the last part of our exchange. As they dragged me from the hall I looked back over my shoulder to see Seksmi crying and the clerk putting his arm around her, consoling her and pointing at her Space Alert box. 
保全人員剛剛到達就聽到我與店員的最後一段交談。當他們把我拖離展場大廳時我越過肩膀向後望去，看到Seksmi正在哭泣然後店員伸出他的手臂環抱著她、安慰她，然後用手指著她的"太空警報"遊戲盒。

===============================
1) Vlaada keeps stealing my awesome game ideas 
弗納達持續偷竊我超棒的遊戲點子

Here is a little known bit of trivia for you: I am the world's greatest game designer. Now I realize that some of my detractors might try to point out that I haven't actually designed any games, and others will suggest that my lazy, slacker lifestyle prevents me from being much of anything. Still others will point out that I don't have a BGG geek badge that says "Game Designer" which is, of course, the one true way you can tell if someone is, in fact, a published game designer.
告訴你一個無關緊要的秘密："我是世界上最棒的遊戲設計師"。我知道那些瞧不起我的人會指出我並沒有設計出任何一套遊戲，其他的人會說我懶散隨性的態度是不成事的。還有另一些人會說我BGG上的帳號沒有"遊戲設計師"的徽章，當然，這都是有效的方法去辨認一個人是不是遊戲設計師。

But I don't need any of those things. 
但是我不需這些東西。

Why not? Because I, my friends, have traveled to the future. 
為什麼呢？我的朋友們，因為我已經去過未來。

Now, there is a long story I could tell you about my time travels but as you must realize by now I would never tell long-winded stories that don't have much of a point. The short version of my time travel story is that Way-in-the-future-Vlaada travelled back through time to 2015 and picked up a-future-version-of-me and we zipped around like Doctor Who and had lots of zany adventures. 
現在，我大可告訴你一個冗長的時空旅行故事，但是你必須知道我絕不會漫無目的亂說一通。一個精簡的版本是："更遠的未來弗納達"時空穿梭到2015年找上"未來版本的我"，然後我們就像是"超時空博士"(Doctor Who)到處漫遊，經歷許多詭異的冒險旅程。(註七)

That's it, that's the story.
這故事就這樣。

Oh, now you want the long version, right? Well I'm not sure I want to tell you the long version after those mean things you said about my long-winded stories. Okay, technically, I said those things but I still don't like your attitude. 
喔，現在你想聽長版本的故事，是嗎？我不確定是否要告訴你，尤其是當你說了這麼多閒言閒語之後。好吧，原則上那些話是我說的，但是我還是不喜歡你們的態度。

If all this "who-said-what" seems a bit confusing then I must warn you that any discussion of time traveling will seem even more confusing because each jump through time creates a new "reality" and each of these new realities spawns an infinite number of potential parallel realities and soon your head feels like it is going to explode. It is kind of like playing a game designed by Reiner Knizia. Well, except that time traveling is fun. But I digress...
假如那些"誰說了什麼"有點令人困擾，那我必須提醒你任何關於時空旅行的討論將會更令人困惑。每一次的時空跳躍都會製造一個新的"現實"，而每一個現實多會衍生出無限的平行宇宙，然後很快的你會覺得你的腦袋快炸掉了。這就有點像是在玩"倪睿南"(Reiner Knizia)所設計的遊戲一樣。好吧，除此之外時空旅行真的很有趣，但是我好像岔題了...

During our super-fun travels through time, I told future-Vlaada all about my unfinished game design ideas (actually "unstarted" would be closer to the truth) and then he traveled back into the past and made them. Through the Ages? Civilization with cards was my idea. Dungeon Lords? Please, so obvious... Bunny Bunny, Moose Moose? Um, actually that was 100% his idea.
在我們超級有趣的時空旅程途中，我告訴"未來的弗納達"所有有關我還沒完成的遊戲設計概念(更精確的來說應該是要用"還沒開始")，然後他回到過去製造那些遊戲。"歷史巨輪"？文明卡片遊戲是我的點子。"地城守護者"？拜託，這超明顯的..."指鹿為兔"(Bunny Bunny Moose Moose)？呃...其實這遊戲百分之百是他自己的點子。
(編按：這一段很酸)

(圖片由BGG擷取) 指鹿為兔(Bunny Bunny, Moose Moose) (2009)

Board Gamer: My god, what is that smell?
桌遊玩家：我的老天阿，這什麼味道？

Clerk: New Vlaada Cghtzykwnbatkdenmhdgckyzl game just arrived.
店員：新的弗納達xxoo督嚕都督嚕督大大大的遊戲剛剛到貨。

Board Gamer: It smells almost as bad as a Magic: The Gathering tournament.
桌遊玩家：它聞起來跟"魔法風雲會"(Magic: The Gathering)的比賽會場一樣臭。
(編按：好敢講！)
 

(圖片由BGG擷取) 魔法風雲會(Magic: The Gathering) (1997)

Clerk: Stink is the hot new mechanic. 
店員：臭味是新的遊戲機制喔！

Board Gamer: Who would buy something like that? 
桌遊玩家：誰會買這鬼東西阿？

Clerk: Well, the game already has two published expansions.
店員：嗯，這遊戲已經發行兩套擴充。

Board Gamer: Expansions? 
桌遊玩家：擴充？

Clerk: Silent But Deadly adds a "find the traitor" element to the game. 
店員："致命的冷靜"這款擴充添加了"尋找叛徒"的元素 。

Board Gamer: Whoa!
桌遊玩家：哇！

Clerk: The second expansion, He-Who-Smelt-It-Dealt-It adds co-op play. 
店員：第二套擴充－"誰聞到誰倒楣"添加合作遊戲機制。

Board Gamer: I must have the whole set!
桌遊玩家：我全包了！

Vlaada, please stop stealing my game ideas. If you feel the need to continue to make all my favorite games can you at least make the next game be that World of Warcraft idea that I told you about? You know, the edible deck building game that tastes like bacon... 
弗納達，請不要再剽竊我的點子了。假如你非得要繼續把我喜歡的主題作成桌上遊戲，你至少考慮一下我之前告訴過你的"魔獸世界"(World of Warcraft: The Boardgame)？唉～手牌構築的遊戲已經老掉牙了...

(圖片由BGG擷取) 魔獸世界(World of Warcraft: The Boardgame) (2005)

(End)

註一：引述維基(WiKi)百科: 
http://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E4%BF%B3%E5%8F%A5  
1. 俳句由五、七、五三行十七個日文字母組成
2. 俳句中必定要有一個季語。所謂季語是指用以表示春、夏、秋、冬及新年的季節用語。這些「季語」通常帶著現代日本人民對於幼小時代或故鄉的一 種懷念眷戀之情。還要注意押韻。 

註二：指的或許是這張BGG上的圖: 
http://boardgamegeek.com/image/595898/dungeon-lords?size=large 

註三：真的有興趣知道的人可以試試看這個網頁: 
http://www.ivona.com/pl/?tk=cvFQG9BwHj 

註四：下列網址是常見英文名字的暱稱: 
http://teddlinguistics.blogspot.tw/2011/05/robert-bob.html 

註五：女性讀者Check it out!  
http://boardgamegeek.com/image/596235/portal-publishing 

註六：BGG上討論"北美風雲錄"機制缺陷的文章: 
http://boardgamegeek.com/blogpost/9073/a-few-acres-of-snow-and-the-critical-silence-on-th 

註七：超時空博士(Doctor Who)是一部由英國廣播公司出品的長壽英國科幻電視影集, 見下列介紹: 
https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E7%95%B0%E4%B8%96%E5%A5%87%E4%BA%BA